What is the key to success?

You're reading this post because a.) You want to achieve success or b.) You're my friend so you feel obligated to read my blog and we both want you to achieve success. To begin figuring out how to achieve success I have been asking the pros—successful people. In my years of questioning, I have gotten an assortment of answers, some answers much more profound than others. Nonetheless, all of the answers listed below (with interpretations in my own words) have been helpful.

Alleged Key to Success #1: Hard work. Chances are, what you want will be something that isn't hard "work" but hard "play" because you enjoy it. You don’t have enough time or energy to do everything, so decide what you actually want to dedicate your time to. I could work really hard at becoming a world-class boxer, but that is not what I want. The real key to success isn't undirected hard work, but having a clear vision of what success means to you.
 

Actual Key to Success #1: Envision success. Define what success means to you by setting goals. Is success earning enough money to buy your own house, loving and being loved by your friends and family, or running 4.4 miles in 44 minutes?

In a Harvard study, three percent of participants had clear, written goals when they left Harvard. Ten years later, the three percent with clear, written goals were earning, on average, ten times as much as the other 97 percent of graduates all together. (What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business School by Mark McCormack). I don't know about you, but I'm going to set clear goals so I can be part of the three percent!

I could write an entire post about goal setting, but since that's not the goal of this post, I'll just recommend that you read Brian Tracy's books for advice on setting successful goals.

Alleged Key to Success #2: Patience. I associate "patience" with waiting around for something to happen, but the reality is that you've got to take action! If your definition of success is to make a million dollars, then practice balancing Oreos on your tongue to win Minute to Win It, buy a lottery ticket, or get really good at something so that somebody will pay you a million dollars to do it. A word to replace "patience" in this case is "persistence," because persistence implies taking action instead of waiting around.

Actual Key to Success #2: Persistence, commitment, motivation, determination, or some other variation of continuing in the presence of obstacles. Now that you know what you want, you've got to use your relentless persistence to get it.

• If your definition of success is to get at least a 3.5 GPA, you've got to study. There will be times you get a 44% on an "Introduction to Theater" test. A successful person will reevaluate her study techniques to do better in the future and pass the class.

• If your definition of success is to write a blog with 1,000 hits, you've got to write. There will be times you lose your mojo. A successful person will get it back to keep writing, and even amp up his blog with visual elements.

• If your definition of success is to love and be loved by your friends and family, you've got to invest in your relationships. There will be times that conflict is inevitable. A successful person will remember why they care about the other person and argue respectfully so as not to ruin a cherished relationship.

When the going gets tough, successful people remember what they want their future to look like, and do everything they can to get there. 

Alleged Key to Success #3: Luck. This is the "right place, right time" aspect of success, such as when you meet your soul mate at Wegmans or land a professional position that is the perfect fit. If you are willing to take risks, there are ways you can increase your chances, such as applying to more jobs or meeting more people by going to Wegmans more often. So the key to success here is having the confidence to take risks.

Actual Key to Success #3: Confidence. You've got to believe in yourself and expect that you'll achieve your definition of success, otherwise a rational person wouldn't waste his or her time trying. If your definition of success is "build and maintain a loving family" but you don't think you'll ever meet a marriage-worthy man or woman, why would you waste your time meeting potentials? And if you never take the time to meet potentials, you won't ever achieve this type of success. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 

Summary of Keys to Success: Optimism. Optimism is "a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome." (Dictionary.com). If you have optimism, you will automatically have all of the above keys to success.

• Defining success means knowing what success looks like to you. In other words, envisioning a favorable outcome.

• When the going gets tough, an optimist expects a favorable outcome. This unrelenting belief provides optimists with the motivation to commit to achieving success in the presence of obstacles. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel gives you the persistence to see obstacles as opportunities.

• Since an optimist believes that a favorable outcome will happen, she has the confidence to take chances, seize opportunities and achieve anything.

Optimism about a certain situation will allow you to envision success, provide the persistence you need to overcome obstacles, and give you confidence to succeed. Someday, when an aspiring young professional asks me “What is the key to success?” I will say "optimism" (or at least "having a very optimistic friend that wants you to be successful").

What do you most regret?

Think about your own most regretful decision. Maybe it's saying something hurtful that ruined a friendship, being too shy when you were younger, majoring in anthropology when you don't really want your career to have anything to do with anthropology.

I always joke that my worst regret is being a member of Spectrum Singers during my junior year of high school. Spectrum Singers is a small singing group that met after school on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 2:45 to 4pm. During my junior year of high school, I tried to do too many things. My grades suffered, I was overwhelmingly stressed, and didn't have any time to do what I wanted. If I hadn't done Spectrum Singers, I instead could have had a little break between school and musical rehearsal/dance to do my homework, hang out with friends, or nap. I could have used this time to promote my well-being, enhance my friendships, and improve my grades. With better grades, I could have gotten into a more hard-core college, ultimately landing a better job.

Being in Spectrum Singers was a poor decision, but I absolutely don't regret it. Not only do I like where this mistake has led me, it was a mistake that needed to be made at some point. If I didn't put too many activities on my plate in high school, it would have happened in college or "the real world," when it matters. I was lucky enough to make this mistake in high school instead of really messing up later in life. It's hard to regret a decision that has taught me so much in regards to future decisions.

In addition, I loved being in Spectrum. I like singing and it was an opportunity to learn and perform different styles of songs in a setting much different than the larger choir. What I regret is what I missed out on: the naps, the extra study time, the time to de-stress and hang out. I don't regret anything that I did, but rather what I didn't do because of it.

Think about the paths you didn't take. Rather than regretting saying something hurtful, regret that you didn't say something nice instead to remain friends. Rather than regretting being too shy, regret the friendships you didn't build. Rather than regretting majoring in anthropology, regret that you didn't major in psychology.

So, look back to your own worst regret. Did you learn from your mistake? How can you regret something that has helped you make the right decisions in the future? And do you really regret what you did or what you didn't do? If it's what you didn't do, seize the opportunity to do it the next time one comes along so that your past mistake helps you and isn't a regret anymore.

What did you learn today?

As Kanye West once insightfully said, "that that don't kill me can only make me stronger." He means that when we live through our experiences, we become stronger people. Learning from our experiences contribute to who we are and help us to be better people in the future. Thus, when my dad used to ask me regularly "What did you learn today?" it tripled as a way to stimulate interesting conversation, for him to find out if the school system was making effective use of his tax dollars, and for me to reflect on what I learned so that I could use the knowledge in the future.

Today, some friends and I visited the Rochester Museum and Science Center followed by Spot Coffee. Of course, the museum is a place where knowledge is supposed to be learned, so I thought that this would be a good time to list the things that I learned today so that you too can benefit from this insight.

1. A single first class ticket on the Titanic would cost $43,000 in today's dollars.
2. Ice is intolerably cold.
3. A key works because when you put it in, it makes the bars inside line up.
4. If you look up, you will often find the answer.
5. Don't bring your purse when you are climbing something.
6. Glowsticks are not alive (in case there was any discrepancy).
7. Pregnant women cannot do fun activities such as drink alcohol, ride submarine simulations, and be in earthquakes.
8. When you look at something from a different angle (this is a metaphor but also refers to the top of the stairs at Spot), you can often spot something that you didn't notice before.
9. Start filling a canal lock before the boat gets there so you don't have to wait for it.
10. That indistinct phrase in "Replay" is "Shorty's like a melody in my head that I can't keep OUT."
10. I love my friends even more than I thought I did.